“You have a one-percent chance of getting pregnant. Your options are either adoption or IVF.”
These words hit Sam Badeau like a punch. She sat there, alone in her doctor’s office, trying to hold it together as the doctor droned on. Walking back to her car, those words echoed to the rhythm of each step. It felt like defeat, like the end of a story that had yet to be written. Tears began pouring like the rain outside.
Sam and her husband, Matt, were trying to start a family in 2015. What they didn’t know then, was that God had a bigger story in mind about what a family would look like.
“We had this plan when we got married,” Sam shares. “We’re going to be married for three years and then we’re going to have kids. It’s going to be so great – we’re going to build a family!”
After a year of trying, Sam hadn’t gotten pregnant. After several tests, it became clear that infertility was the cause and without some intervention, their chance of having their own kid was almost zero. It was a helpless feeling.
“The doctor said there’s pretty much nothing we can do for you. There’s no medication, there’s nothing you could’ve done, there’s nothing you can do now,” Matt says, recalling their frustration.
“It was really hard not to compare ourselves to others and think. What’s wrong with us? Sam shares.
They looked into options. “We briefly thought about foster care, but I was always like, No, I couldn’t do that, because I’d get too attached,” Sam recalls.
A FRAGILE HOPE
In fall 2017, they decided to pursue in-vitro fertilization (IVF). The Badeaus wanted to try one last time to have their own children. Over the following months, they went to countless appointments and poured energy into following every step. Sam took all the shots and medications to prepare for the IVF transfer. However, after a lot of preparation and prayer and an unsuccessful transfer, it was getting harder to hang on to hope.
“You’re trying to be hopeful, you’re trying to be positive,” Sam remembers. “You think I’ll get pregnant with IVF. We’ll feel a baby kick. We’ll get to experience these things for the first time together. Then when it doesn’t happen, it’s a…it’s a huge blow.”
After a year-and-a-half of disappointment, they found themselves struggling to trust that God had a plan. Unbidden thoughts raced in Sam’s mind: I can’t have kids. I won’t ever be a mom. I’m not good enough. God’s punishing me.
But through many conversations with the Lord, the couple’s perspectives began to evolve. “It was a lot of prayer and a lot of relying on God that He has a plan,” Matt says. “At the point when it starts not going the way you wanted it to – we leaned on God in prayer and on friends and family for support.” The couple’s Woodmen Community Group walked with them, praying, and providing encouragement along the way.
Toward the end of the second IVF transfer process, the Badeaus decided that if it didn’t work, they were going to pursue foster care or adoption. So, at the end of 2018, when the second transfer didn’t take, they felt God made it clear that foster care was the next step.
TURNING THE PAGE
“Through our IVF journey, foster care was more and more on our heart,” Sam recalls. Matt started talking with family and friends who were connected with a local foster agency. He and Sam received a lot of encouragement.
As they prayed about it, they encountered more and more foster care stories and became aware of the huge need in Colorado Springs for foster families. They felt God open the door and decided in faith to pursue getting licensed as foster parents, with the hope of possibly adopting someday.
Sam clearly remembers her conversations with the Lord during those days: “We really did rely on God for all of this, and for just having a clear direction. Like, Is this what you want us to do?”
In June 2019, after months of training and interviews, Matt and Sam were certified as foster parents. This was a new page in their story of becoming parents and they felt God starting to reveal some of His plan.
As they stepped into this role, there was a lot to learn. They’d never been parents before! When they got the call about a placement of an eight-year-old girl, it felt like jumping into the deep end.
“As foster parents, God is always reminding us that His love is stronger than we think or know,” Sam says. “As we’ve felt God remind us that he loves these children and their families deeply, we feel he has used us to show that.”
Matt and Sam have hosted more than 15 kids over their two-plus years as foster parents. The journey often isn’t easy. It’s filled with ups and downs. In many ways, it mirrors our relationship with Christ. In our struggle, in our need for rescue, God steps in to care and provide for us.
“We went into foster care naively thinking this would be how we adopt and quickly learned that this journey is not about us,” Matt shares. “Foster care is about the child and what’s best for them, not us. That’s a humbling experience and we praise God for it. Why do foster care? We do it because God called us. We do it to show God’s love to the children and their families.”
What does it mean to be parents? When at one point Matt and Sam were without hope – when it looked like their family story would remain unwritten – the Lord stepped into author a new and beautiful chapter. For this Colorado couple, our God has redefined what it means to be parents.