April Blog - Women's Ministry

“Gratitude”

What does that mean? Why is it important? Why do we desire it, long for it and look for it? Have you ever felt seen or heard, truly? Can you remember the details of how it made you feel?

I was driving home as a teen years ago in a borrowed truck with a topper, and I came to a stoplight. After sitting there for a few moments, when the light was green, I realized the vehicle in front of me had mechanical problems. I would have to go around.

I was too close to that car, so I decided I would need to back up slightly to aim the truck out and around the stalled car. I couldn’t see well out the back topper windows. When I began to back up, to my surprise, as careful as I thought I was, I hit something.

It was the car behind me. The pit of my stomach leaped into my throat and sank, swirled in knots all at the same time. A myriad of questions filled my head in seconds:

This wasn’t my truck; what damage had been done?

How much damage to the car behind me?

Was anyone hurt?

Was the driver I ran into angry?

Where was the registration for the truck?

How do I call the police?

What about insurance?

I felt in trouble before anyone spoke to me.

On and on it went. A cold sweat set into my whole body, and so much fear set in. One by one, all these questions were answered, as well as others. The police report was filed. I was at fault, and I got a ticket and a fine.

I went home, only to find that this trouble I had caused was still following me. I was in trouble for damaging someone else’s property and for so many other things. “Defeated” doesn’t really describe my feelings that day.

Several years later, I was going north on a divided road in downtown Colorado Springs. I was in the right lane when a car that was parked neatly along the curb pulled out sharply and ran into the passenger side of my car. This time, it was my own car. The person was very apologetic, and we worked through all the details again. I went home to the apartment my husband and I rented. In the time I spent waiting for my husband to get home, I was a “hot mess.” I felt the trouble return in my body again; I was shaking in my shoes, and I knew the distaste of emotions that would ensue. I expected questions, blame, accusations and fault I would be facing because this is what happens.

We had a one-car garage spot in which my car was parked, and he parked in front of our apartment tri-plex on the street. My husband pulled into his parking space. Fear filled me as I saw him approach and come in the front door. Gripped with that fear, sweaty me, I quickly told him what had happened.

He pulled me into his arms and most tenderly asked me if I had gotten hurt, “Are you okay?” No questions about the car, no blame, accusations, nothing … nothing but his love for me and my wellbeing. I burst into tears and confusion. I sputtered out in some squeaky, broken crying fashion that I didn’t understand why he wasn’t mad at me. He simply replied, “Why would I be mad?” I was lost; the road of emotion I thought I knew and could anticipate had taken a hard right.

In that moment, ladies, I was seen, I was heard, I was deeply cared for, I was loved. It took me a couple of days to comprehend this … I didn’t understand how to accept this unconditional love. My understanding of love changed that day. I went from thinking I was convicted to complete forgiveness, from fear to being held in love and cared for. I was deeply grateful and still am today.

In just a few days, the greatness of remembering the even more amazing life-changing sacrifice Jesus made for us on the cross, wrapped in the love he has for us. Daily, He sees you and me, He loves us, He comforts us. You are seen, you are loved deeply, you are completely cared for, and you are prayed for, even when you have no words, by the Holy Spirit who groans on your behalf. I would love to invite you to this table, through Him who sees, and sit in gratitude for this amazing gift of life and love.

I hope you’ve been able to make your lists each day of the things you are grateful for. If you haven’t yet, list 10 items a day for a week (maybe longer if you like). Enter in and sit in the space where Love is all around you, where He sees your heart, and the Lord fills you with His grace, love, forgiveness and redemption.

- Traci Hollingsworth